Smoking

Sitting in the sunshine on this lonely morning
Smoking takes me way back to these years of yearning
So many open paths that I could all explore
But this life isn't quite what I was waiting for

Don't need any excuse to cover up my shame
I'm so terribly weak, and I accept full blame
Just give me some more time to let my spirit heal
I don't see how I can live up to your ideal

So I fall back again, to my old vice and lies
And one more time I catch that sad look in your eyes
Letting you down again, that guilt won't go away
You and I knew I would not make it anyway

Ashamed of not being as happy as I should
Ever unsatisfied, anxious and restless mood
What do you want from life, ungrateful little soul
Something to fill me up, someone to make me whole

The cruelty of this world is more than I can take
There's always some sad news to feed my chronic ache
Close my eyes and my ears but guilt tears me apart
I will take anything to numb my sorry heart